This one is a mommy Blog.

I was looking around my house for my journal that had written in while I was away in Nevada. Goodness that felt like an eternity. I was so sad. Then towards the end I was angry. Which I feel was a good emotion to have. It gave me the strength that I needed to bring the kids back. And not get intimidated by Carlos. I never understood why it bothered me so much when ever Carlos attacked my parenting skills. Once he said that I should comb Wednesday's hair better. He mentioned that the girl he was dating at the time always had her daughter's here up in a pony tail an her shoes where always clean. God, it bothered me. I hung up the phone, laid in the bed and cried. It wasn't until the next day that I realized that the kids had been with him for two days, and that I had sent them clean and "combed". At the time Carlos was around his girlfriend, he was the one responsible for Wednesday. Yet I allowed him to in so many words call me a bad mom. Now Wednesday is back home, and she still hates for me to touch her hair. She's told me that her dad combs her hair better. Someday I'm going to make a movie about daughters and brushing their hair. And yes their is definitely gonna be a scene where the mom goes ballistic and maybe a few broken mirrors and toilet. The audience will realize that the mom was just imagining all this in her head.. Don't worry folks CPS will not be called during filming. Lately my daughter has been on a role. If I so much as brush my arm against her in the morning she yell's "YOUR HURTING ME....STOP HURTING ME". I had my hands on her shoulders guiding her to the restroom to get ready for school. I couldn't believe that she yelled, "DON'T PUSH ME"! What the hell!!!! The "what the hell" is from me. I just don't understand it. Is it because the baby is due any minute. Is it because we have guest in the house. Which by the way is my mother and OMG she likes to butt in when she shouldn't. I wonder if Wednesday misses her dad. When they first came home from there father's he called every other day. Now he calls once a week. And to top it off he talks longer to her brother. I do know that she wants all my time to her self. The one thing that I worry about being a mother of more then one child is that I am not giving my attention equally to all of my children.
I was thinking the other day. I consider my self a nice person. I follow the rules and I functioning part of society. I hardly cuss out loud. I volunteer, I don't beat or starve my children. I am still a child of abuse,neglect, and more abuse. Despite all of that I always strive to be good human being.......what I'm trying to say is that my children have never had the childhood that I have had. I have made sure of that and at times they treat me like dirt. I don't have the heart to tell them how lucky they are to have parents who love them and that when they come home they are safe. Have I over compensated for my short comings in life with my children? And had it back fired? Or am I reading to much into this and my daughter is just acting like a daughter or better said a BRAT!